July 7th, 2009

"empty cup can never fill another empty cup" . . .

"bakit? malungkot ka din ba?"

... that's a responsibility i chose not to accept. im a tree. . left unnoticed. . left alone. .days. . and months. . and years. . i grasped for breath. . and light. . and chance. . and maybe it will never come.

then your suspected paranoia came by. you were scared, and alone, and confused. then you sat with me. although i didnt know what to tell you, i  didnt know what to do, i started talking

"relax. luwag-luwagan mo ang kwelyo mo. dont get so uptight. sometimes, these people wouldnt mean to harm you. theyre just being themselves. eventually, youll realize that the only solution to your problem is to give someroom for adjustment. . and forgiveness."

i was surprised to see you turn your head. i can tell you were listening. i know you wanted more. i went on telling more sad stories. and i meant it. that if i was to claim the saddest story ever written, i might have made you feel good about yourself

"minsan, pag may problema ka, kelangan mo talagang makipag usap. hindi mo naman kelangan ng advice e. kelangan lang talagang sabihin ng bibigmo at marinig ng tenga mo kung anu yung problema mo para yung utak mo makapag react ng tama. minsan kelangang ipamukha mosa sarili mo na may problema kase minsan, yung utak mo kung hindi nagtutulog tulugan e nagtatanga tangahan"

then you smiled again. we sat and talk for hours. until its time to go. sabe mo pa "buti na lang nanjan ka, kahit saglit e gumagaan ang pakiramdam ko"

sabe ko naman sayo, try to learn new hobbies. sometimes, it helps to have a diary. likei said: write all your frustrations on a piece of paper. if you hate someone and doesnt have the guts to tell the person then write a letterto the person. keepall your hatemails and read them everyday. gosh! eventually youll grow tired of hating them. (you bet im keeping 2 or 3 notebooks)

then im alone, again. by myself, again. these lines repeatedly running thru my head . .

how could i possibly show you the right directions when im actually going nowhere?

how can i inspire you when my faith is dead?

your emptiness is a damp thats eating you alive and you expect me to wipe it dry.. but ive drowned and died in my own tears a long time ago..

your emptiness is one-tenth parcel of my entire being. and why will i dare help others when i cant even help myself??

youre lucky because i know how youre feeling. and i may have the chance to save you, and pull you up from your pit. but right now, nobody knows how im feeling. and if ive gone lightyears away from myself no one can tell.

i may never know when you'll stop crying. i just feltits worth being around. and just remember that if you asked for apples and you got lemons, call me over for the salt and tequila. cheers??!